weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
