We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
