so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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