So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
