happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
