My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
