her facebook's as public as her vagina
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
