So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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