when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
