i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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