i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
