He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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