Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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