And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I love having hate sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
