Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
