its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
