Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
