I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
