why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
