Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
