haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
