I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
