Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Someone came in the potted fern
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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