That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
