I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
