My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
