she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
