Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
