How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
