dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
