Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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