I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
