a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
