So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
