I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
