She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
