You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
