like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
