this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
