Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
