may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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