I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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