probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
