hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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