OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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