guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
