I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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