I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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