I'm really into asian looking animals
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
