It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
