Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
