party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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