I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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